Doug made it snow on eportal...

11/18/2009 10:00:00 PM

Monday I felt boring. Boring and painfully generic. That has got to be one of the most empty feelings of all feelings. Although, I'm sure that most feelings that resemble "empty" are the worse feelings ever, this particular feeling always gets me the hardest. But it was productive because Monday I followed up with UNO about my 4 classes, Tuesday I realize that the battle with my face was improving and had someone remind me that excuses are exactly that - excuses. And today was productive. Productive like I felt like I was intelligent and my contributions to society counted for something. So we'll see what tomorrow brings. And we'll see how I feel at the end of the weekend. I'm not in control, but I've got the reigns in my hands and I'm doing what I can to steer my life in a direction that I am comfortable with.

Side bar: Chad is in an official facebook relationship. And I am happy for him. Genuinely happy.

"some of God's greatest gift (are all to often unanswered) are unanswered prayers" - Garth Brooks.

January 16 - The Carnation Ball
February 13 - Endymion Extravaganza
March 10 - John Mayer at the New Orleans Arena
When is the super bowl? Saints play the super bowl! Saints - 9'N'0!!!!

I downloaded John Mayer's Battle Studies. I know I just as well jump on the band wagon, but I like him. I really always have been a fan of him.

I secretly made it snow on today. By the Monday after Thanksgiving it will be decked out in Christmas cheer. I really do like webdesign and graphic design. Now if I could only get over the mentality that I need to go to school for it to be any good. It will be something that I will always do in my part-time. It just makes me happy.

Every year I say I will start Christmas shopping early, but it is a week before Thanksgiving and all I have to show for my Christmas shopping is two gifts.

D wants a watch for Christmas. Has anyone every heard of the superstition about giving a watch? Well, let's put it this way. I gave C a watch for his birthday in March and A gave her husband a watch for their anniversary in March. And well....neither of those two things are going well. So the questions remains, what to get D for Christmas?

Sometimes I just look at him and smile.


I currently have 3 jobs and one paycheck. I am: 1) a Marketing Coordinator 2) Administrative Assistant and 3) Receptionist. And you know what, I'm not good at all three. Marketing makes me happy, Admin makes me stressed, and receptionist pisses me off. I don't know the solution to the problem so I'm going back to school for something completely different. I don't know if that's really what I want to do, but it's the path that I have begin a journey towards so I'm going with it. Maybe I want to stick with the marketing stuff, maybe I'm even good at it. But I'm also good at listening, evaluating, planning. Maybe I'll figure out a way to make them both work in my favor. Maybe what I'm doing now is only in accordance with a bigger plan and for me to have met a certain person. But tomorrow I will drive that 24 mile bridge another day and with a fake smile on my face I will make it through another day and at the end of the day i will pray that the self-doubt that pledges my mind will one day never return. But, really does self-doubt ever end? I will continue to pray for it to relieve me, even though some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.


ps i miss my camera.

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1 comment(s)

  1. i have terrible self-doubt, and it's really wearing on me. also, i have absolutely ZERO idea what to do with my life. i guess this is life after college. nothing like i thought it would be.





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