Thanks to @Sidda I have taken to writing this entry, though it is undoubtedly keeping me from doing more productive things, like working. My To Do List is retarded and I can’t even seem to put a dint in it. Try as I might this week, I doubt the little nicks I make at progress will still leave me overwhelmed on Monday when I come in from my little 4-day vaca. The beauty of these little blogs is that I can mostly pretend like I am working for now though.

Our receptionist is out today, which has left me on the phones for the much better end of the afternoon. The beeping noise of the switchboard makes me want to scream. And the girl who holds a lateral position to me is acting as if the reception desk is below her. I, too, have resentment geared toward this desk, however do not huff at me over the phone when I tell you that we will be splitting them equally. The random shit that people feel the need to share with me never ceases to amaze me, and that is accelerated by about 10x when my face is gracing the reception lobby. This afternoon I have my idon’tgiveadamn face on; it seems to be working, for the most part. Productivity on the other hand, isn’t working at all.

This weekend was one of those weekends that didn’t really feel like a weekend at all, short of the fact that I didn’t have to wake up and drive to the office. It was family and friend obligations to the max. Always rushed and always late and the moments I did get to spend with David were spent with him taking care of work and me doing laundry or stressing out about how I never know what the appropriate outfit is for various occasions. An interesting struggle, I have found myself battling over for the past year. I just want to be the girl who always has the right thing to wear, the perfect hair, and the remarkable ability to make small talk with all ages. This weekend I only hit my element once and even then it was daiquiri induced. There may have been a moment when I hit it again at my mom’s Mother’s Day dinner. But, I’ve digressed.

Analogy:

You know that feeling when you are driving in traffic and it’s stop and go and stop and go and stop and then finally you start to go again…and then, as soon as you stop being angry that you were stuck in traffic you see a line of brake lights in front of you, AGAIN. That’s how I feel my life has been lately. Every time I finally start feeling like I get in my groove and am functioning as required I hit another speed bump. Sometimes its work, sometimes its friends, most times its massive creative and motivation blocks. It makes me physically angry and bitter and harsh. These three characteristics I have never been very fond of and I do not wear well, at all.

So, to conclude I must say, “I’m over it”. And that is the understatement of the ongoing year. I’m over everything. I’m over family (/boyfriend’s family) obligations, and people who consistently take from me but never really give back in equal portions, I’m tired of running myself into the ground to keep other people having a good time, and frustrated with all the money that I do not have to spend on the things that I want, but instead find myself spending on other people who don’t appreciate it nearly enough (or better yet, never pay me back for). And I’m tired from forcing smiles and being in the car and being on everyone else’s’ schedule. Something has got to give, or I’m going to break. I may be breaking a little more every day, come to think of it.

Well, this vent session went on about 1,430 characters too many.

{Happy pictures to come}