I want a big digital camera with interchangeable lenses, then I want Formula One editing tools, and then I want enough free time to get stupid good at photography. And graphic design. Really, I want time & enough money to do the things I want. Nonetheless, the next time in my life when that seems feasible is sometime after retirement. And that depresses me.

I had a sad realization recently, it seems no matter how stressed or over-whelmed I feel now it may always just get increasingly more overwhelming. The only things that eases my mind is that hopefully, one day, I will be better at managing and dealing with it. On top of all of that, today I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except everyday's tomorrow. All because, I have no free time to do the things I want to do and the no money to even try to halfass it.

So what's the secret to life? Adderall?

My brother and I are fighting over the air conditioner again. I love summertime, but I don't like to sweat in my house. Especially not while I'm sleeping.

Two weekends from now David is out of town and I have a whole weekend to myself, to do whatever I want to do. I simply cannot wait. I love David, I really do, but he doesn't love the things I love and I love him too much to make him endure them. Though it does save me lots of money, it is sometimes very counterproductive to my life.

Somewhere I wrote down "By June 1, I will be 125 pounds." Well, that's 6 days away and that seems to be a very unrealistic goal.

I'm about to read a self-help type book, "Switch - how to change when change isn't easy." I think it will be enlightening. I'll keep you posted on my findings. And by read, I mean listen to the audio book; b/c I can't find time for reading.